2014 - Aam Adami Party

2014
a great year for india.. or will it be another chutiyapa.. time will tell.

a whatsapp msg said that this years dates perfectly match that of 1947.
1947 was a crucial year. Indian subcontinent mein partition hua.
Pakistan was born. 14th august.
India was born. 15th august.

this year.. we are looking up to Mr. "I am no GOD - ARVIND KEJARIWAL"
not sure if his style will bring a lot of change.. but even if it brings about 30% to 45% change.. we will be winners.

to begin with 2 good things i think they have done so far is
1. revived the beautiful GANDHI TOPI
2. gave a boost to the image of JHADU.

the topi was almost getting forgotten. and the jhadu was looked up on as a dirty instrument.

now the youth is happy to wear the topi and hold the jhadu and even dance.

go go go.. #AAP please go places... bring about the change young india wants to see.

we all know that deep inside we are corrupt individuals. money fucks our thought process.
all we were taught from the start was to get rich. who doesnt love a shortcut??
but arvind.. its a job for you to stop us young indians to become like our elders.

we dont want to be a corrupt politician or bureaucrat . we dont want to leech on others money.

we want someone to teach us to be content in what we earn. and earn more by striving hard.

i know its hard. but someone has to do it. so you do it. we will pray to the million gods.

:)

healthybakchodi 

have you wondered how easy it is too fuck around with Indian people...

sometimes all you need is a bottle of desi daru.. sometimes a Rs. 500 note.. sometimes a prostitute.. sometimes a lie.. sometimes a dream.. sometimes high hopes..

and rest of the times GOD... :(

someday we will wake up .. and then life will be almost sorted..

koi faraq nahi padta... india hai .. sab chalta hai...

healthybakchodi

Amar Singh got bail on medical grounds.
Yeddyurappa wants his doctor's contact number.
Karunanidhi asks Kanimozhi if she's feeling alright.

all these idiots were fine before they got in to the jail.. in jail i dont understand which homosexual warden molested them.. or some blood-thirsty dragon mosquito bit them.. they all fell sick!!

all 3 are complaining of different ailments.. i want all these bastards to burn in hell....


the poor farmer dies as he cannot afford to go to hospital.. so sometimes he commits suicide.. why doesn't he pick up a fuckin weapon and join the naxals..

but these idiot naxals end up killing poor RPF men.. when they are just following orders of a breed corrupt officials ...

i want to keel a few politicians .. but it seems that killing a living human is illegal :(

only if this guy could have changed the fukin mindset of few more indians.. and vaguly a mind of a corrupt politician.. life would def  be better for a few of us

Sleep Now in the Fire 
YAAAAAAAAA
The world is my expense
The cost of my desire
Jesus blessed me with its future
And I protect it with fire
So raise your fists
And march around
Just don't take what you need
I'll jail and bury those committed
And smother the rest in greed
Crawl with me into tomorrow
Or I'll drag you to your grave
I'm deep inside your children
They'll betray you in my name

Hey, hey
Sleep now in the fire

Hey, hey
Sleep now in the fire

The lie is my expense
The scope of my desire
The party blessed me with its future
And I protect it with fire
I am the Nina The Pinta The Santa Maria
The noose and the rapist
The fields overseer
The agent of orange
The priests of Hiroshima
The cost of my desire
Sleep now in the fire

Hey, hey
Sleep now in the fire

Hey, hey
Sleep now in the fire

For it's the end of history
It's caged and frozen still
There is no other pill to take
So swallow the one
That made you ill
The Nina The Pinta The Santa Maria
The noose and the rapist
The fields overseer
The agent of orange
The priests of Hiroshima
The cost of my desire
To Sleep now in the fire

healthybakchodi

anna.. chale chalo!!

what an irony...
ppl who fucked the country (read A Raja and that bych M K kanimozhi) are in tihar jail...

now the old man who is fighting against corruption is also in tihar jail...
india hai... sab chalta hai....


healthybakchodi

marriage kills worrying :O....market research gone wrong :D

today was indeed a funny day... 11 hours of stressful work..and come home to talk to d girl whom you are in secretly love with.....for 65 mins..... :)

it wont get more rewarding than tha...t


coming back to ....INDIA HAI....ab chalta hai....
i came across a very interesting print ad... couldn't capture it... didn't have a good cell / camera...

on some BEST Bus..there was this print ad ...a part of which goes like...

"get married...forget worrying"

log on to www.ilikemarriage.com  ,,,

i mean who the fuck will agree that marriage solved all his problem unless the couple is a queer... who are happy to be out of the phackin closet........

fuck...all this is so fucked up...ppl are making money out of nothing...while others go and slog their asses on hot tawa!!

i like marriage.... what the fuck!! ...maa chudi padi hai... full on bakchodi!!

healthybakchodi

japan!!

punchmi is going to JAPAN!! :)

good things come to those who show faith!!

healthybakchodi

calm like a bomb!!

we salute you!!

healthybakchodi

Kaa Pata Kaise...

Scene 3

Location: Pediatric ward of a certain Municipal Hospital

Bhayyani admits her 2 yr old daughter who's down with diarrhea.

Two days later she comes in with another kid, a son of about 10 months, same reason.


The staff nurse is amused to know that our bhayyani who looks like a kid herself actually has 2 kids. Bhayyani, a caring mother, comes in everyday with a dabba for her kids twice a day though she looks ill herself. Finally one day the nurse asks our bhayyani...

Sister(that's what a nurse is called): Ae, idhar aao. Tumhari tabiyat theek hai naa?
Bhayyani: Haan, mujhe kya hua hai...
Sister: Agar theek ho to fir itna sambhal ke, araam se kyu chalti ho? Ki tumahara bhi pet kharab hai?
Bhayyani: Arre, aisi koi baat nahi hai. Woh hamar 7 wa mahina hai naa, toh isiliye...
Sister(surprised): Kya?! Tumhe dekh ke toh nahi lagta ki tumhe ab teesra baccha hoga.
B: Nahi, nahi. Ghar pe 3 bacche aur hai. Yaha 2 hai..aur pet mein chatwa hai.
Sister(raised eyebrows): Kyaa?!! (patiently) Aisa nahi karna chahiye tumhe..kuch samajhta hai ki nahi?
B: Abb kaa pata...Bacche ek ke piche ek kaise pet mein aavat hai...
Sister: ................


---------------THE END-------------

healthybakchodi

globalization through a different POV. . . .

there was a incedent ..there was this party ..and few friends had come ...they were drinking whisky and beer...the ones who were drinking beer went to the loo quite often...so this topic started... a lot of beer = a lot of susu after 1 hour ....they discussed the need of public toilets...coz when u have too much beer and even use the washroom of the pub/bar at the time of leaving ..u still want to pee more within half an hour or so....

and how it will make life simpler for both men and mumbai especially in a city like mumbai where population density is so high that gravity sucks it!! knowing good places where u can de-pressurize is actually considered good knowledge..  guy who know exactly in which part of the city there are clean toilets...both private and public..have higher preferences of finding a fair MBA bride on online marriage portals :| ...it is good GK for mumbaikars.. :|

*
specially when in India toilets are considered filthy and holy...paan stains graffiti and what not.. .i wonder thats why some assholes NGO guys put condom dispensing machines in urinals...i mean...some1 horny...wanting a women... have to go to a urinal to buy a cheap condom.. sala ooska khada lund bhi wapis so jaaayega..... Yucks tucks.. (typical tapori mumbai language :P)

then in a conservative society like india...these chediot NGO guys put up condom dispensing machins in public places like railway stations :D ( no1 has ever figured out why...) (chediot = chutiya who is a idiot)
*

coming back to toilets... there was a dearth need of good toilets in cities like mumbai... and then ....and then
.
.
globalization said.. let there be malls.. let there be supermarkets.. let there be CCD..let there be Mcdonalds... let there be barista.. inorbit...raghuleela..
cleaner public toilets with soap and tissue paper and of course WATER!!
:D :D

Jo BMC decades mein kar naa saka...woh corporates ne kar dikhaya..


PS: one graffiti next to a public toilet in delhi somewhere near multani danda ,,,near paharganj

healthybakchodi

Khilona

A lady in my neighborhood lost her husband about a year ago.
He was young and had a heart attack.

His wife was in deep shock it seemed...she didn't utter a single word since she saw the dead body of her husband. She just sat there and stared.
Everybody around tried to make her cry or at least say something but she sat there like a statue...

Finally when they prepared to take his body away...she screamed and well, sang a song which made us wanna laugh so bad that I almost ran away from there. And she sang it with such poise.
The song goes like this in marathi-

"Maza khelna gela ga....baaii..
Ata mi kaay karuu..."

(I've lost my toy, what am I going to do without it)

"Ata mi konashi khelu.."

(Who will I play with now)



healthybakchodi

Puja.....

Scene 2

Location: Early morning, Labour Ward of a Municipal Hospital.

Enter bhaiyyani at 2 am. Bhaiyyani in labour pains.

The on-duty staff nurse shifts her to the delivery table.

The nurse is taken aback when she finds "Haldi-Kunku" on the bhaiyyani's private parts.
Nurse(raised eyebrows): Yeh kya hai?
B: Ghar se nikalte waqt hamar Sasur ne puja kiya...pehli baar hai aur ladka chahiye naa...
N: .....

------The End------

healthybakchodi

Bhaiyya ko poochooo.....

Location: Gynaec OPD at a municipal Hospital

Scene 1

Enter bhaiyyani...recently imported frm UP with her bhaiyya (pun unintended)
Guys stand outside while the doc talks to patients.
So our intern here questions the bhaiyyani..

Doc: Toh kya takleef hai?mahina kab aaya tha pichli baar?
B: Kaa maloom..
Doc: Kaa maloom ka matlab kya hai?...seedha sawaal hai. Mahina hamesha time pe ata hai kya?
B: Kaa pata...
Doc(irritated) : Thaili se pani jata hai ki khoon jata hai..takleef kya hai??
B: Kaa pata...bhaiyya ko poocho.
Doc: Bulaao bhaiyya ko.

Bhaiyya gives our doc all the info about her mahina...and abt her(?!) takleef..

Doc: Apni biwi ko sikhao jara...gaav se aayi hai toh kya hua..itna pata hona chahiye.

Bhaiyya: Arre yeh hamari biwi nahi hai...yeh toh hamar bajuwali hai.

----The End----


healthybakchodi

save tigers drink beer :D

according to some survey there are only 1141 tigers left in India... no no..they are not counting the Mr. Shersings in punjab and Mr. Waghs in maharashtra... come to think of tigers ...bling bling... tiger woods ne to kamal kar diya... ek nahi do nahi... poore ke poore 18 holes hasil karne ki koshish ki... and i am sure hasil kar bhi diye hoge... may be all those holes didnt make a public appearance...

btw....hamare bengal mein bhi ek tiger hai... and maharashtra mein bhi....:P ... both rocking hard in their own field...

now here is a letter that i don't know who has written but i know who forwarded it to me on gmail. it was non other than the bengal tiger Dhruv chakrabarti

| |

What Tiger Woods Wanted to Say at His Press Conference 

Let me just say to all my fans that I feel sorry for everyone who criticized me for my extra-marital affairs.  You must live a miserable existence if you have nothing better to do than read about my personal life in the tabloids.  But I suppose I should provide an explanation about my behavior so that you will continue to buy the products I endorse.

So here goes.  I am an average looking man of mixed racial descent.  Like most men, I had trouble getting pussy before I became a famous multimillionaire.  I did okay at Stanford because I was on the golf team, but the women there graded out with a D because they were leftovers that players on the football team didn't want.  Before that, I got nothing because I have a bland personality and big lips.

Then, I win a few golf tournaments and women are lining up at my door.  Of course, I took advantage of my opportunities.  These were women who wouldn't give me the time of day if I sold insurance or worked on a used car lot.  They wanted me so they could brag to their friends about having sex with a celebrity, while holding the belief that one day they would live a life of luxury as the wife of Tiger Woods.  When that didn't happen, they seized on an opportunity to sell their story to the tabloids, all the while looking the part of a woman scorned.

Now I want to discuss my wife.  When I met Elin, she was just like the others, except she played the hard-to-get strategy that women often use to corral men.  It worked.  She had all the qualities I wanted in a woman:  pretty face, nice tits, nice ass, and an inviting personality.  We dated for a while, had wild sex, and we genuinely enjoyed others company.  When I asked her to marry me, she accepted.  Why wouldn't she?  Only an idiot would say no to a lavish lifestyle that most people only dream about.

Our marriage was okay.  We have two wonderful children and Elin is a good mother.  But since she had those kids, she's become a bitch, and doesn't want to have sex very often.  And, she won't accompany me on road trips, except to the major championships.  Unfortunately, my job requires that I travel to a different city every week where women nod approvingly at me where ever I go.  Do you see the problem here?

To all the men out there:  What would you have done in my shoes?  Would you have said no to all the woman who lined up to meet you, especially after listening to your wife bitch at you over the telephone for not spending enough time at home with her and the kids?  And to all the women:  How many of you would have turned down an opportunity to spend a night with me, knowing that you could sell your story to a tabloid for 500K?

I feel bad about the potential damage my actions might cause my kids.  As for Elin, I can think of at least 300 million reasons why she will be okay if we divorce and she is forced to survive on her own.  And don't forget that vast support network she will have after appearing on Oprah and Fox.

As for me, I have paid dearly for my transgressions.  I have lost millions and might lose custody of my children.  A good number of you feel great pleasure seeing me in pain.

The letters "Saint" or "St." do not precede my name. 

Did I become famous for being a model married man, or was it because I'm the best damn golfer in the world???

Now here I stand, while you sit there anxiously waiting to hear my heartfelt apology, when all I really want to tell you is ... Fuck Off

| |

now coming to the most important part ... go please support http://www.saveourtigers.com/
tigers are really important for our planet ... 


 



else the only tigers we shall have/remember/find on google are the ones below....

PS : "save tigers drink beer" would really make a awesome T-shit :D

:(
healthybakchodi

Serves them right!!!

Let me begin with a disclaimer. I am not a political person. I hate politics and the debates that rage on for hours, without proving nothing more than that the participants of the said debate are just a bunch of self-righteous hypocrites. I had to get that out of the way so that people do not start calling me anti some party or pro some party.

What purpose did Raj Thackeray's cronies prove by slapping Abu Azmi for taking his oath in Hindi. All the man was saying was that he will follow his duties as the state wants him to and will maintain a non disclosure stance. But Raj's pro Marathi stand would have been damaged if 4 of his 13 "associates" did not create a scene about it.

He was talking in Hindi. Officially our official language. I really did not see any point in raising an objection about it.

Even if there was something wrong (something my innocent and politically free mind fails to comprehend) I can comfortably say that the way they expressed their displeasure was wrong; no two ways about it. Within hours the scenes from Maharashtra's legislative assembly were being flashed all over the world. I have seen scene's like these at different assemblies around the world. But knowing the fact that this happened in Bombay does invoke a tinge of sadness (or maybe shame) in my mind.

And what did the 4 happy slappers gain by slapping Mr. Azmi. They have been suspended for 4 years from the assembly. So 4 out of 5 years they cannot participate in a forum that tries to solve the problems being faced by Maharashtra and Maharashtrian's.

So what happens to the people who actually voted for them so that they can go to the assembly and try to solve the problems they are facing. Now for the next 4 years, nobody will care about their problems because the person who was supposed to bring it to the notice of the assembly is barred from addressing the assembly.

The people who voted for the 4 slappers knew that MNS members suffer from anger management issues yet they voted for them. Well...all I can say is serves them right for giving vote to the people who were bound to get into trouble sooner or later.

(I have not named the 4 slappers simply because they are not important enough. But we all know who is responsible anyway)

One stone, three mango.

Whenever there is a conversation about "improving" India, the one topic that inevitably comes up is how filthy our streets are. Depending on your conversation group, fingers get immediately pointed in different directions. Inefficient corporation workers, lack of infrastructure, corrupt politicians, hungry cows, pan munching bapus who spit everywhere. The list is endless. I did my share of whining in an article in 'The Hindu' about a year ago. And everyone has their own solutions to the problem ranging from sacking the mayor to imprisoning garbage throwers. So here's my two cents.

I'm sure many of us have noticed that entire cities are becoming marketing real estate these days. Not a single wall is spared from advertising. Publicity is hot cake and always has been. I'm sure the prophets would vouch for that. That's why I think the government should get into the business of marketing.

Here's how it works. The supreme court bans all forms of advertising on public property in major cities. Every single hoarding, poster, bus stand ads and cutout comes down. This is the hardest to implement but it has to be done for this to work. Next, the state government creates approved marketing spaces throughout the city. This can be safely placed hoardings, walls dedicated to posters etc. These are then leased out to private companies who want to advertise, at a nominal cost, BUT the company has to take the responsibility of cleaning up that particular street or council. The bigger the ad the bigger area they have to clean. If the company fails to meet the criteria, the government gets to takes down their ad. So as long there is a demand for an ad space on the public arena there will be someone to do the cleaning up. And the increased need for sanitation workers by private companies could mean many jobs for the needy.

Of course this does not mean the corporation gets to sit back and relax. All this is on top of what the corporation workers already do. This just gets more hands on the job thats all.

NASA and Chicken Kurma

Apparently, NASA is helping develop 'advanced food technology' to preserver Chicken Kurma. Read the print on the bottom right above the logos.

I bought this box of chicken kurma on my way home only to find out that the world's best minds were behind its making!.

healthybakchodi

inertia...

yet another chance wasted... i didn't vote...i mean...i cant vote....i don't want to vote...i am not eligible to vote ...i am not sure ....when will i vote...i am not sure...

when will i vote..... ? when will they include my name in the voting list...but even if they do add my name in the voting list...will i actually get up and vote....i really don't believe in voting...



duniya gol hai...baki sab jhol hai....

:(


healthybakchodi

English as we know it

I first wrote this for a college newsletter but thought it might be little relevant to this blog too. It's about the English language and how its being abused in the western world. Now we inherited the language from the British Raj and today, although we might not speak with perfect grammar and diction, Indians make reasonable attempt to sound correct. Even a mid level government employee will make a substantial effort to speak the language to the best of his ability to get the message across, if he comes across a foreigner.

Enter Australia. Land of the wallabies and Koalas, and the English language - or at least whatever is left of it. For people to whom English is supposed to be their first language, I must say they are making a pretty big effort to make it sound as un-English as possible. I am not exaggerating. The following is a conversation between two teenagers on the train when I was going to college

A: Ah dude, did u? Oh man... I mean, its like... u know.... at first I thot... then i thot maybe...

B: Yeah man... totally... I was like... woah... no way... and it was all like (makes some gesture with his hands) and she was like.. u know.... I just went... whatever... I mean...

While I was pondering what these two were talking about, they both seem to understand each other perfectly. I must have heard the words "like" "Whatever" "awesome" "totally" at least a hundred times in the 15 minute train journey. That is not counting all the swearing that punctuated the entire conversation. And this is not just an Australian phenomenon. Watch any American reality TV show and you see a similar thing.

At first I thought, maybe as these kids grow up they will start talking properly and in full sentences. But watching youtube videos of Bush speaking in press conferences took a big chunk out of that hope. Grown ups, especially politicians have a similar way of distorting the English language. But it is not as obvious as these two teenagers, but that is their whole point. They are meant to sound normal so that we would think they are talking sense. For instance, recently the CIA being probed by Obama was all over Aussie TV. And they were discussing about torture and whether the CIA went overboard with waterboarding etc. And I shit you not, I heard some guy say "...we need these Advanced Interrogation Techniques for....". Its torture - plain and simple - honest language - conveys the message. Now they describe it as Advanced Interrogation Technique. It almost sounds like a good thing. " hello mr.Mohammed.... come along please... we will be going through some Advanced Interrogation Techniques with you!" "Well gee... thank you sir.. that'd be lovely".

It's always an American thing isn't it. Just like the term "developing nation" that we are so proud of calling ourselves. There is no such thing as a developing nation. Either a nation is developed or it isn't. If you go by GDP growth, almost every country is a developing country. Even the US was, until recently, a developing country, before the excrement hit the ventilation system. The term was coined to label and group a bunch of nations for administrative purpose by some western nation and we proudly followed suit without questioning. That's why I don't like the word Atheist, even though I am one. It assumes that believing in God is somehow normal and the rest of us are deluded. It has a negative ring to it. Same goes for the expression "middle east". The place on the map being referred to as middle is, is nowhere near "east" of us. If anything its the mid west, or atleast near west. But you don't see NDTV reporters saying the "near east peace process", or referring to China as the "near north". Now don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against the US or western civilisation. I just wish we think twice before inheriting these memes.

Somewhere in the past decade, every customer suddenly became a client. Somehow, client sounds more important. So important that I can charge my "client" twice as much as I used to charge my "customer" even though they both are the same people. And the word legitimate became synonymous with anything-under-the-sun. Legitimate actions, legitimate tv shows, legitimate personalities, legitimate views. I even heard "Legitimate concern". Well what other type of concern is there? Illegitimate concern? What do you do with a person with illegitimate concern? throw him in jail? The best place to find these verbal diarrhea is Fox News. Earlier this year when Israel went into Gaza, Fox news had an analyst from inside Gaza accusing Israel of war crimes. The tv host immediately interjected "Ma'm you are totally misrepresenting the facts"! Misrepresenting the facts? Did he mean to say she was Lying? Doesn't "misrepresenting the facts" seem less sinister than "Lying?"

Now even though all these might seem to indicate that the English language is being corrupted, if you stand back and look at a bigger time frame, it seems to indicate the contrary. Every generation had their own lingo. Just watch any film noir and you will see the similar trends. If it is "like" and "awesome" today, it was "swell" and "dandy" 50 years ago. And I think, although it might not be entirely true, that it is this ability of this language to morph and accommodate these memes that makes it the universal language. This property is hard to find in our Indian languages. There are always these defenders of language who are ready to put up a fight whenever they think the language is losing its identity. But hey, languages are not here to stay anyway right?. Humans have been here for 100,00 years but every language spoken on earth is less than 9000 years old. And it is estimated that 90% of the 6000 languages spoken today face imminent extinction. So, enjoy your languages while you can. Adios.

shatabdi

today i got a chance to sit in the new shatabdi ... (company had paid for the ticket....:P)

i didnt know that they (read Indian Railway) had already introduced the new rakes ...the new train

had read that the they had beeeg plans for this shatabdi type trains... they are also contemplating making it complete wifi...(imagine)


for those who have no idea what shatabdi express is......i must say u need to have a ride in it to know it!!

deshwasi hone ke naate u need to know and should also enjoy the ride in the new shatabdi...and you might also want to praise them (read Indian Railway)

i took the mumbai-ahmedabad shatabdi... boarded at vapi... i was like.....ooooh...fuck ...is this a train...or a long skinny plane..... :P

it was clean as hell and bright...and modern...they served hot food and it tasted better that what we generally get in flights (read AirIndia)..

out of randomness
i asked the one of thsoe men in black dress, Mr TC who should i praise...mamta or lalloo...and he said ... no one :| and he was serious. :)

PS: its nice to see a someone unknown flagging off the new train

...go go go...take a ride

healthybakchodi

63

63 and still going strong...
a great day for freedom...
hope and faith will keep us bounded together...




healthybakchodi